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Feb. 18th, 2008

What does LOVE mean to YOU?

During the time in which I allowed myself to be single, I had a wonderful time!
I realized how healthy it was to give myself a break of always being IN relationships. I was challenging myself to experience something new as I helped myself break the pattern of always being "in" a relationship with "another".....

In my past, I actually imagined that my hunger and need for unconditional love and acceptance could only be met if I was in a relationship or had "friends". That someone ,somewhere outside of myself could meet these needs and all would be well...and I would feel loved and accepted. Now, I smile a big "all knowing grin" and chuckle when I think of my past imagined belief.

One of my favorite beings of all times once stated the below about LOVE:

" If you love others, if your love is focused on others and the reflection..you will live in darkness Turn your light toward yourself first. Become a light unto yourself. let the light dispel your inner darkness, your inner weakness. let love make you a tremendous power, a spiritual force!!!" ~ Osho

When hearing my clients or friends discuss feelings about love , I would often use the phrases "falling in the river of love", "drowning in the river of love" or "floating on the river of love."

I often would offer the reflection to others by asking them, "Would it not be easier to go with the flow and float ON the river of love , rather than to allow yourself to fall in the river of love or drown in it?"
To be able to recognize when we needed to rest and stop floating? To give ourselves some warmth and love by sunbathing in a sunbeam by ourselves?
The river itself is not love. Nor is the sun. Love is about being able to recognize we have a choice in deciding our fate and actions.
Love is about taking care of the self and giving ourselves what it is we truly need for personal development, growth and the opening of our blossom! It is not about drowning in the river of love or giving up our essential self to be part of an US.

I once sketched the word, L-O-V-E on a single white piece of paper and tried to figure out what I could spell with the letters. What I received was, "Loving Our Very Essence". Seemed practical.....

Even kids can give some of the beset answers when reflecting on LOVE and what LOVE means....

"Love is when you want to learn to love better and you start by loving a friend you hate." ~ Nikka, age 6

"Love is when your puppy licks your face , even after you left him alone all day." ~ Maryanne, age 4

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends , even after they know each other so well" ~ Tommy , age 6

What Does LOVE Mean to YOU?

Feb. 17th, 2008

What Does INTIMACY mean to YOU?!

For about 3 1/2 years prior to meeting my partner in 2007,   I enjoyed the dance of intimacy with close friends, while  remaining single and celibate.  There were many different levels of intimacy I explored with my close friends and at different times.   And everyone in my intimate circle was aware of this.  
Come to think of it,  there is not one close friend of mine with whom I have not been intimate with in some form or another. Whether it be : hugging, cuddling,  cuddle parties, snuggling, sleeping together, massage, conversation,  etc.

The intimate act of  truth sharing and being so open with my way of loving...did trigger some ego issues to arise though.   

True,  back then...I was not educated or informed of all the ins and outs as to how to have healthy intimate relaitons with close friends.  At the time,   I was unprepared to deal with what beauty I had opened myself up to.  It got rather challenging for me to meet everybodys needs or wants.   I imagined everyone was competing to be with my energy.  Perhaps this was so.... 

I had to experience and learn what it meant to develop healthy boundaries for myself.  And to really tune into what it was I needed and wanted.    For many reasons,  I  started to pull back  and  only desire a relationship with myself!      It seemed I felt complete with just having that essential relationship with the self and the Divine.  It seemed the only relationship I could fully trust.

Thus intimacy turned into  in2meiC  rather than  in2UiC ! 


Please feel free to email me at :  in2meic@feelings.com  or please leave a comment, or take the poll!

Poll #1140171 Intimacy

What does INTIMACY mean to you?



Presently, I am in hopes of establishing a deeper connection by allowing myself to experience a monogamous relationship with someone outside of myself and the Divine! 
  ( I had been celibate and single for nearly 4 years prior to meeting my mate)

My mate is 61, I am 33.   We have been merged for nearly 8 months and still going strong and ever so curiously.
When we first encountered one another, it was based around our mutual interest and background of : Alternative living, Community Building , Communication Techniques and our desire to  live our truth .

It became evident when we both met that HE was more into the "archaic" way of being... (his words), monogamy.   And I was more "the open minded gal" who was into what I refer to as, "open style relationships".
However, I do not consider myself Poly-sexual. Though, I DO resonate with the vibration of the Poly-amory style of loving.  Poly-amory meaning  "loving many" or  "to love many".

I remember sharing with my mate about how some of the most functional  long term relationships that I had experienced in my past, had developed a sense of "open style relationship" at some point or another , with my encouragement.
It seemed easier for me to believe , have faith in and imagine that a long term relationship was possible when in this type of open structure .   But of course it also meant , having healthy agreements ,boundaries and a good sense of communication within the relationship!
Even my first true long term relationship mate back in high school would even recall and vouch that I was an unusually "open minded gal" .    And at the age of 21 , I discovered and confirmed that I would rather "share a mate, than loose a mate" than to have deceit,dishonesty or a break up.

My coming out as an "open minded gal" and speakin' my truth to my present day, ever loving, monogamous mate was quite the experience for both of us as one can imagine!
And it is still something we continue to work through individually as well as together.

I recall the first time I shared with my love, regarding my experiences of having shared a certain level of intimacy with nearly all my inner circle friends at some point or another!  
 "My intimate family", as I would often find myself referring  to them as.   I did not know at the time..any other name to refer to what i was experiencing and exploring!
We were about a month into our relation which consisted mainly of nice nature walks , dharma and realization discussions and microscopic truth sharing  when I shared my intimate truth with my beloved.   I recall the exact day...it was July 7th, 2007.

Needless to say, my mates'  initial reaction was something similiar to...... "Oh.... I do not share a bed or get inimate with a woman who sleeps with many".   It was on this particular  perfect day that I became to know myself as taking on a native american name.  "Woman who sleeps with many" was to become my new nickname!

My automated and instant response was to go into a deep place of hurt and sadness.
Natural feelings of : rejection ,un-acceptance and judgment of self came up for me because acceptance was a big need of mine, at the time.   An important thing I was learning to give to myself !  At the time, I was still caught up looking  "outside of myself"  to get this need met!   Chuckling and laughing.......

In the present, I fully accept myself for all that I am and I realize that I had held judgments towards my own self...and that this experience was just a mere reflection for me to learn from.  I needed to learn what was true for me and live it!
To stop caring what others thought! I started to shift my focus from looking at feeling unaccepted to asking myself, "What is it that I truly want and need?"  

It was at these crossroads that my beloved and I found ourselves being drawn closer together through healthy forms of communicating our feelings, needs and wants.  Essentially, confronting, exploring, and sharing our truth.
This process took place over a course of 2 weeks and eventually allowed us to deepen our connection with ourselves and one another. We soon realized that we worked very well with our learned techniques of healthy communicating and truth sharing!

Clearly if some form of comittment or healthy agreements had not  been discussed or explored...my mate and I would not still be dancing together!  
It was during  first month together, we agreed to a 3 month commitment in which at the end of the 3 months, we would evaluate our time together and all of our feelings and needs ,which would help us to decide whether or not we wanted to be together in a monogamous relationship for another 3 months.
So far, it has been 8 months of an ever fascinating dance!
And I am learning sooo very much about myself and LOVE!
It seems that as long as I continue to tune into, be aware and observe what is true for me by looking at my true needs and feelings... then I can allow myself a loving relation towards myself and a chance to have those needs heard,acknowleged and met!    I can also be a better communicator AND compassionante listener with others, when I have this essential relationship with myself .
In this way, I choose become a student of LOVE and LIFE, rather than the Victim!

Feb. 16th, 2008

Being born into the community...

What and Who Do You Love?

Namaste'   Live Journal Community !      I honor the Divine in YOU !

I sure hope YOU did something wonderful for yourself this week in honor of yourself! 

Please forgive my inexperience with online journaling-- I am but a work in progress!   Both internally and externally!
I value ,  honor and appreciate your feedback , suggestions , hints and tips.......
but most of all --

I appreciate and honor YOUR existence on this planet!

Thank you for choosing to be born and for doing YOUR part in helping to make this world a better place and vibration!


Feb. 14th, 2008

FOR THE LOVE OF THE WORLD... happy Valentines Day

Charlotte Tall Mountain

For the love of the world, we went out on a limb.

For the love of the sea, we rocked the boat.

For the love of the earth, we dug deeper.

For the love of community, we mended fences.

For the love of the stars, we let our light shine.

For the love of Spirit, we nurtured our soul.

For the love of a good time, we sowed seeds of happiness.

For the love of nature, we made compost.

For the love of a good meal, we gave thanks.

For the love of family, we reconciled differences.

For the love of creativity, we entertained new possibilities.

For the love of our enemies, we suspended judgment.

For the love of ourselves, we acknowledged our worth!

And the world was a richer place for US !